don't want to jinx it.
Day 1 again soon. I promise.
I am sick
I have laryngitis.
I sound like a man whenever I can actually talk
I hate it when my parents go outside to smoke a cigarette.
When they come in to talk to me they smell.
I hate that smell.
I feel like sometimes I can't breathe cause my vocal folds are swollen.
I read in the Newspaper today that a 17 year old girl died from Laryngitis.
That is so horrible, and of all things?
I don't know why I'm not just writing all this down in a paragraph form.
I kinda think its annoying to write this way.
And Yet I continue.
I want to redo my bedroom.
Instead of a twin day bed possibly a full or king
I want a new television. possibly a flat screen.
I want a million dollars to fulfill this quest of mine.
I hate financial aid.
their are so many things to fill out.
It's scary to think that I can't pay for school.
I am not worried about paying loans back.
I wish that my parents didn't have to suffer.
Suffer in the sense that their is no money.
My dad regrets not going to College.
My mom regrets going to College and not perusing further into her Masters in English
That's a funny word.
so is pudding.
My Uncle Edward died today. He was 67.
I'm unsure where to begin but I guess in a way I feel sad and relieved so he wouldn't have to suffer although he had a heart attack..... He was in a Nursing home for 4 1/2 years, didn't even know his own mother died in 04' (long story) and I don't know it just hasn't hit me yet.. it's a sad situation the wake is Monday and burial is Tuesday..I haven't seen him in that amount of time because I didn't/don't know how to react to seeing someone who isnt who they use to be anymore.. My father never saw him while he was in the nursing home because he didn't want to remember his oldest brother that way.. fragile and weak..I could understand that.. I don't know how to react if it's an open casket.. or what.. I honestly don't.. But I'll miss him.. He taught me how to play cards, draw, and express a love for classic movies.. Casablanca is one of my favorites because of him...
Rest in Peace Uncle Edward, I'm sure Mama & Grandfather will make you feel welcomed..
February 15th 1941 - December 13 2008.
day 1. wasn't bad.
It's been quite sometime since I've posted an journal entry on here. I think I say that every time I actually update this thing. So i changed the layout of this page and I think its quite cute. I've been posting a lot on Mad Rad Hair to get ideas on how I want to cut my hair. I don't want it to be short I think I'll just trim it and see what happens. It needs some reshaping if I want to grow it out.
I've been attending SUNY Plattsburgh for about a year, I'm on summer break until the 23rd of August which is in..oh gosh 9 days. Ugh. I guess I kind of hate the Idea of going back since I have a pretty nasty cold. Although its calm down a bit since last week. All I have now really is a headache and just sometimes swallowing hurts a bit. Oy. I'm looking forward to another semester at school. New people, New Classes, a new room mate. I think it'll be good :D and then three more semester to go.. wo0t. :D
I have a wedding to go to this weekend with Steven. I just hope I'm well enough to not ruin it for myself and for him. Steve & I have been dating for almost two years. It'll be two years in September and I couldnt be happier! I love him a lot and I'll miss him when I go back to school but I'll see him again the weekend of Sept 13th. He's still working crazy hours so I hope to see him a bit more before I go back to school. I'll try to post some more more so than usual. The last time I posted was about a year and half? I believe... oy
I cant wait until i leave this house i dont want to be here anymore. my day consisted of taking my brother to the movies in which he didnt even say thank you to me for or even offer to give me the 8 dollars for the movie ticket. Then I came home to take my mom to the doctors because of her ankle didnt even get a thank you for that either and then on the way home she wanted something to eat and she said she wanted KFC ( 10 minutes it took for her to decide) and i kept on telling her that i didnt want anything from there then she said oh then i dont want anything so i just ignored her and got her something. then we go to wendys and the whole time were fighting and then she asked for a large fry and i got it for her and she didnt even say thank you for that shes so ungrateful. Then we come home and she keeps on asking me whats wrong meanwhile i rather not talk to her because shes gonna make me yell at her and then she tells mikey that i throw the bag of kfc at her meanwhile i threw it at the backseat of the car because whatever the money i spent on it she didnt give a shit she didnt even want anything even though she said she did so why the hell did i waste gas on driving there? and then have to come home to hear both my brother and mother call me insane and that im a lunatic and i told them to leave me a alone and all they wanted to do was continue call me names meanwhile all i did today was help them out take them out do whatever they wanted.
I plan on just locking myself in my room until tomorrow around 4pm so me and my dad can go over the plattsburgh stuff and thats it. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone or do anything because everyone just says not even sorry no no one tonight said sorry and meant it.. i just cant wait to leave and go away and maybe never come back. yep bye.
I've tried to keep everything calm and cool but things seem to always go down hill whenever family members are around. I just want to be left alone.. i feel so much happier that way. almost 20 years I've never been away from home for more than a few days meaning a few days away from my family. I doubt I would get home sick if I was a way for longer. Maybe I would miss them sometimes I think anyone would because your so use to something but I wont miss Staten Island or the Idea of it.
Tonight I went to the Muddy Cup with Lea and Justin we had fun. But still sometimes i feel like Lea expects so much more then I can offer when it comes to education and for my own lifestyle. Oh well I'm my own person I can do what I see is right.. I'm a lover not a fighter which it seems lea wants me to fight for going to Adelphi. Uh No. Im going to SUNY Plattsburgh I'll be happy their since i got into Adelphi its nice I got into the two schools in which I applied too but its not right for me. 45 minutes away for me is too close 8 hours for me seems perfect. Lol as weird as that sounds.
I need to be happy and to continue to lose the weight in which I intend too and continue to keep my head focused for a new job and school. I've been happy lately until last night which lea just had her comments. HER usual comments like sisters do its crazy I'm not like her. I'll never be like her.
I'll get over it I need to keep my cool & yeah 5 more lbs gone.
After watching last weeks episode of Greys Anatomy I thought I wouldn't watch it ever again. But, of course knowing me and I had to watch tonights episode because after watching the first season and second season with my sister all those hours spent in awe over the show crying, laughing, and pondering about my own life I came to realize I cant just stop. I know their lives and their personalities and I look forward to watching Christina, Derek, Addison, Alex, Izzy, Callie, George, Meredith, Burke, Bailey,& Webber. My favorite characters are Christina and Callie I hate Izzy.
Tonights episode made me cry so much and no not because I'm pmsing (which I am) but because it just made me rethink my life. my friend kayla IMed me and said she was crying. And i asked over what and she said greys anatomy I just thought that was kind of funny as im about to start bawling shes already hysterical crying. The show makes you think of what your afraid of. I'm afriad of not being able to tell the people I love that I love them and that I appreciate their love over the years or even months that I've known them. I have many goals in life and sometimes I don't think I will accomplish them just sometimes I believe that some things arent made for me to do or to say I've done them. For instance I didnt think I would get my drivers license on September 16 2005. Not that I'm a bad driver although I was nervous just because I didnt think that it would work out to my benefit.
I'm growing up each day a little bit more but once I got my license I realized that I can drive myself where ever i want to go and not have to take public transportation. Not that taking the bus, train, ferry, taxi, and what not are bad but this is another thing that I can do for myself to drive to be free. Now I'm awaiting to leave my home. The place that I've called my own for quite sometime now almost 20 years I've lived in the same house and hometown. I don't know anywhere else thats different but I can just tell I'll have fun away at SUNY Plattsburgh. Fulfilling my major and getting my career started. I'm just hoping I do well in my classes this semester and I pass the CPE exam on March 15th at 1:30pm. ( a lil reminder for myself) In order to get my associates degree in liberal arts before i transfer I need to do pass everything. I doubt that will be a problem just the CPE exam might be hard. But, its all writing and i enjoy to write obviously... I have three tries well if I was still at CSI in fall of 07 it would be but I;m not so I have to to well!! anyway this is enough rambling.
greys anatomy knows how to make a girl cry.
So its been almost 5 months I'm still with Steve :D & I'm very happy. I quit Subway lol it was alright but I didnt like the fact that I came home smelling like food all the time. Im doing well in my classes I'm taking the 3rd level of ASL :D, African American Studies, Electrical Engineering & Sociology I enjoy the classes I'm in and I'm only on campus for two days Mon & Wed. I'm looking for another job. I'm transfering to SUNY PLATTSBURGH I got in so i'll be happy to head up there for fall 07.